Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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