A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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