So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
