I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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