dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
