I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
