shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
