Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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