ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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