um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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