I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
