Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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