why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
