shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
NoShamevember. You game?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
