Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
