There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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