you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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