what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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