yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
