no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
