You work out of a Hotel?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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