I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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