I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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