i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
