Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
As shirtless as possible
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
