Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
