I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
