You just made me feel so damn special
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
