I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
