Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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