just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
