You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you never un-have a 4some
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
