Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
