3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
