check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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