Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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