wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
