You can't motorboat a personality
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
