From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
