You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
