What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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