I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
