I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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