I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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