Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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