She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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