my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
