I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
