I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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