Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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