it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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