He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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