You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
